At 35, Roy K. had walked out on his wife and children, regularly frequented prostitutes, was a pimp, and even slept with an 11-inch machete thinking this lifestyle was, by his own admission, “where it was really at.”
Born in 1927, Roy K.’s ambitions as a young adult included service in the US Navy and going to ministry school.
Though well-intended, this didn’t stop him from pursuing his self-destructive sexual addiction to the brink of death.
And even all of the aforementioned sexual behavior didn’t convince Roy K. to stop or even slow down.
During some of the darker times in his sexual addiction, Roy managed to get married a second time. With his second marriage on the verge of collapse, Roy made a desperate search for a solution.
And the Higher Power of his understanding miraculously provided one!
It wasn’t until 1974 while reading an article called “The New Alcoholism” in Time magazine that the light bulb went on.
The article described not just alcoholism, but many patterns of behavior involving other substances and actions that appeared similar to alcoholism. After attending his first AA meeting the same day he read the Time magazine article, Roy realized AA would work for “sex drunks” also.
He made several attempts to begin sexual recovery meetings throughout the mid-1970s. However, Sexaholics Anonymous as it exists today wasn’t officially founded until 1979.
Fortunately, Sexaholics Anonymous helped Roy K. recover from his sexual addiction just like he believed it would.
The Realization That Became the Turning Point
Roy became willing to do anything to stop.
At first, he tried to force the compulsive thoughts and fantasies away. But that only seemed to make them stronger!
Slowly, he learned what to do: consciously let go of any form of lust and turn it over to his Higher Power, whether that lust was seen visibly in the material world or simply conjured by his own mind.
To his great surprise, he did not die. It turned out sex was indeed optional!
Not an Easy Path
Even though Roy stopped for a while, he still hadn’t become fully willing to do anything to avoid acting out.
After 18 months of physical sobriety, he found himself looking at a revealing picture in a news-based magazine. That resulted in Roy throwing away his second marriage and becoming a pimp to supply himself with the prostitutes he wanted.
Devastated and on the verge of suicide, Roy came back to recovery. He began working the 12 Steps on himself.
He admitted he was absolutely powerless over lust, his emotions, and sex life. He slowly came to believe a power greater than himself could restore him to sanity.
The Realization That Changed Everything
Merely stopping sexual acting out wasn’t enough to stay sober long term. It turned out that Roy had to begin growing up as a person. Emotionally, he had left off at age eight when his addiction took over.
Roy was profoundly disturbed when he realized he was only a marginal human being at best.
He became willing to grow up and learn from others. He realized he had difficulties relating to others caused by his own thoughts and actions. And he needed to do intense personal work to change these patterns.
Ultimately, he realized that if he did not want to end up dead as a result of his sexual addiction, he would have to let go of his past way of living life.
Slowly, Roy grew to like how he was treating himself in life. He no longer struggled with obsessive sexual thinking and out-of-control sexual behavior.
One thought or action at a time, he learned how to surrender lust and his self-destructive thinking to his Higher Power.
Dependence on the grace of the God of his understanding replaced dependence on lust and sexual acting out.
Roy became astonished with the person he used to be when compared to who he had become.
The old Roy was a slave to sex, a victim living in an insane fantasy world. The new Roy had stopped running and finally found what he was looking for: a connection with others and his Higher Power.
May you find the same!