Learn more below:
Have you ever:
- Thought you need help for your sexual thinking or behavior?
- Felt you’d be better off if you didn’t keep giving in to your sexual urges?
- Believed porn, affairs, serial relationships, illegal sex acts, or other sexual behavior control you?
- Tried to stop or limit what you felt was wrong in your sexual behavior, only to find yourself doing it again?
- Resorted to sexual behavior to relieve stress, anxiety, fear, guilt, shame, or other negative feelings?
- Experienced guilt, shame, self-hatred, fear, remorse, or depression after your sexual behavior?
- Felt driven, perhaps even forced, to engage in sexual behavior by what feels like an overwhelming desire within you?
- Noticed your sexual behavior causes difficulty in your relationship with your spouse?
- Resorted to fantasies or thinking about other people while having sex with your spouse?
- Felt an irresistible urge to accept when someone else flirts or offers sex?
- Frequently hopped from one sexual relationship to another?
- Believed the right relationship will help you stop the sexual behavior that bothers you?
- Noticed an intense sexual or emotional need for someone to the point where it bothers you?
- Endangered your health and welfare, or your family’s, to engage in sexual behavior?
- Noticed your effectiveness at work or home, or your ability to concentrate, decreased as a result of your sexual behavior?
- Lost time from work because of your sexual behavior?
- Spent time with people, or in places you’d otherwise never go to, if sex wasn’t available?
- Wanted to get away from your sex partner ASAP after having sex?
- Used masturbation or had sex with others, even though you enjoy sex with your spouse?
- Been arrested for a sex-related offense?
The SA White Book offers a clear and simple definition of “sexaholic” on page 202:
“We can only speak for ourselves. The specialized nature of Sexaholics Anonymous can best be understood in terms of what we call the sexaholic. The sexaholic has taken himself or herself out of the whole context of what is right or wrong. He or she has lost control, no longer has the power of choice, and is not free to stop. Lust has become an addiction. Our situation is like that of the alcoholic who can no longer tolerate alcohol and must stop drinking altogether but is hooked and cannot stop. So it is with the sexaholic, or sex drunk, who can no longer tolerate lust but cannot stop.
Thus, for the sexaholic, any form of sex with one’s self or with partners other than the spouse is progressively addictive and destructive. We also see that lust is the driving force behind our sexual acting out, and true sobriety includes progressive victory over lust. These conclusions were forced upon us in the crucible of our experiences and recovery; we have no other options. But we have found that acceptance of these facts is the key to a happy and joyous freedom we could otherwise never know.
This will and should discourage many inquirers who admit to sexual obsession or compulsion but who simply want to control and enjoy it, much as the alcoholic would like to control and enjoy drinking. Until we had been driven to the point of despair, until we really wanted to stop but could not, we did not give ourselves to this program of recovery. Sexaholics Anonymous is for those who know they have no other option but to stop, and their own enlightened self-interest must tell them this.”
Sexaholics Anonymous exists only to help you find freedom from your compulsive sexual behavior, regardless of what form it takes.
Our White Book states the SA Purpose on page 201:
“Sexaholics Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength, and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop lusting and become sexually sober. There are no dues or fees for SA membership; we are self-supporting through our own contributions. SA is not allied with any sect, denomination, politics, organization, or institution; does not wish to engage in any controversy; neither endorses nor opposes any causes. Our primary purpose is to stay sexually sober and help others to achieve sexual sobriety.”
Many of our members remain 100% sober from their bottom line sexual behaviors (porn, serial relationships, affairs, illegal behaviors) for years - even decades. Not only this, but they gain the ability to live far happier and more joyful and peaceful than at any point prior in their life!
And they began right where you are - feeling like they’d die if they didn’t act out their sexual compulsion in the next few days...or even the next few minutes. The only way to be free of it was to do it!
How did they manage to stop and keep from starting again? And can you do it too?
The answer is simple...but not easy: beginning a new life rigorously doing their Higher Power’s will by following the suggestions of the 12 Steps:
- We admitted that we were powerless over lust—that our lives had become unmanageable.
- Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
- Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
- Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
- Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
- Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
- Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
- Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
- Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
- Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.
- Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
- Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to sexaholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
SA’s 11th Tradition protects your personal anonymity, as it says,”Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions...”
As we say,”Who we see here, what we say and hear here, let it stay here.”
Many of our members refer to SA as their “refuge,” the place where they can let their guard down and be their true selves.
We welcome newcomers and can’t wait to encourage you as we all walk the journey of recovery together. See you soon!
There is hope.
No matter how challenging your circumstances, it can get better.
Many of us in SA have been in similar situations.
You don’t have to do it alone. We’re here to help.
By rebuilding our relationship with our Higher Power and others through the 12 Steps, many of our members have found peace, joy, and happiness. They no longer find themselves unable to stop doing the shameful things lust commanded.
Many members have years of freedom from their most destructive behaviors. Others have decades.
Sobriety isn’t perfect bliss. Bumps still happen. But living a sober life has led many to contentment, satisfaction, and love they could otherwise never find.
SA works for those serious about getting sober. And we’d love to help you in your journey to sobriety!